Embracing Life's Lessons With Discipline and Heart

Turning 30 is a milestone that brings a mix of nostalgia, wisdom, and humor. As I stand on this new decade’s doorstep, I can’t help but reflect on the key lessons I learned in my late 20s. It’s been a rollercoaster ride of laughter, tears, and plot twists.

1. Accepting Weirdness

By the time I reached my late 20s, I could clearly tell I wasn’t able to fit into the molds that shape the mainstream expectations of a good life. When I struggled through college, I felt like there was something wrong with me. Settling into a steady job, going on the standard vacations, getting married, and having kids young were not in the cards in my early adulthood. Even now, I feel like I'm behind in life when I think of the milestones I am so far from celebrating like buying a house, getting a master's degree (never doing that), or even just adopting a dog.

But somewhere along the way, I realized that my quirks and idiosyncrasies that make it so hard for me to conform to social standards are also what make me, well, me. It's led me to a path that is fulfilling in unexpected ways, such as opening the doors of a community center called Collective Focus, witnessing the growth of strangers over time, and meeting some of the most amazing people. I've had enough wild New York City nights to satisfy my curiosity. Several years ago I took a train ride across the country and learned so much about myself. And I've soaked up breathtaking views in some of the most remote parts of my family's homeland, Mexico. I’ve learned to embrace and celebrate my weirdness, and not tire myself with worry over being misunderstood.

2. Friendships Evolve / Disolve

Friendships in our late 20s are a tricky terrain to navigate. People move, priorities shift, and sometimes, friendships fall apart. In the last few years, I've been sad to experience some major friendship breakups. These painful experiences pointed out to me areas in my character that desperately needed to grow and improve, but I've also learned not to idealize some of my former friends who turned out to be haters. Some people are in my life for a season, and others for a lifetime. For a while, I saw it as a moral failure on my behalf to lose friends, and I internalized blame when these connections didn't work out. But conflict is all part of the journey. I carry forward with me the best parts of those failed relationships, and for my own development, I aim to leave unhealthy dynamics behind as I step into my 30s with a clear head.

3. Self Care is Non-Negotiable

Gone are the days when I could pull all-nighters and gorge on decadent food. Out of sheer necessity to survive, I discovered the true meaning of self-care. I used to think self care was going to the sauna and lounging in a face mask, which is timeless and never gets old. But in my 30s self care means first and foremost controlling impulses and not self-sabotaging. Being younger meant I could bounce back from a night of drinking. But now, I must resist eating that one guilty pleasure food that tastes sooo good but I know will give me a stomach ache. No, I cannot pop that one pimple that's bothering me because my skin no longer heals fast. (Don’t judge 😅 )

Being 30 is about setting boundaries with myself and listening to my body. Whether it’s scheduling regular therapy sessions (a necessity), going to more doctor appointments, and remembering to take my vitamins, self-care has evolved from being a fun trend to becoming a bit monotonous and chore-like (no shade but consistency is boring!)---yet undeniably a vital part of my routine.

4. My Love is Enough for Me

Romantic relationships in my 20s were a mess, and I even found myself in a couple toxic relationships. Despite facing heartaches and awkward first dates, I also had a few lovely, uplifting partners who made me happy. Looking back, I never took relationships too seriously, in part because of my lifestyle, and living in New York City can feel like a revolving door of people entering and leaving my life. 

But the biggest blessing I've had, which is a game changer and huge source of peace, is that somehow in the latter half of my 20s, I did fall in love with myself. I grew to enjoy my own company, and I like who I am as a person. Now, I wouldn't say it's a narcissistic degree of self-love. I have insecurities that still hold me back, even insecurities I still carry from middle school. But harboring low self-esteem is honestly exhausting. I realized that I can’t pour from an empty cup, and self-love is the foundation of joy.

Becoming stronger as a person has empowered me to become more emotionally independent, and being loved by others is less essential to my self-worth when I'm actively validating myself. I stopped looking for someone to complete me and started working on becoming my best self. And that has been key to never feeling lonely or incomplete. 

5. Career Paths are Rarely Linear

If there’s one thing I wish I could have warned my younger self, it’s that my career path is not going to be linear. I’ve switched jobs, explored different fields, and faced plenty of setbacks. But each experience, no matter how unexpected, is unique to me and I find myself with a ton of randomly but useful skills that I picked up doing a patchwork of different things. One could even say now that I have a made-up job, and within radical spaces, I face scrutiny and skepticism for calling myself an organizer. Not everyone is ideologically supportive of my style of activism, but one thing is for certain: my work ethic is undeniable. I’ve learned to embrace the detours, trust the process, and understand that I don't have to prove myself to anyone.

Sometimes it feels like the pressure is on to have something big and important to show for all my years of toil, especially at this age. Of course us millennials coined the term 'adulting'. The endless bills, the cycle of laundry, the realization that there’s no magical “grown-up” moment where life finally stays put together. Life can be downright frustrating. But I’ve also learned that it’s okay to ask for help, to take my time, and let things fall into place.

6. Life Doesn't Need Sugar to be Sweet 

I’ve learned that life is hard. It's hard for me, it's hard for my friends and family, and for the thousands of people I've met at Collective Focus. Life is nearly impossible in places of colonial oppression and genocide. Temporary moments of superficial pleasure don't change that, and become less influential when they take me away from any substantial goals. I've never been the type of person to oversaturate my life with pop culture or consumerism. I don't think that makes me special, and like anyone else, I have my moments of indulgence. After all, in my circle, the saying goes: joy is a revolutionary act of resistance. While this is true, in my 30s I will be discerning. Treats, toys, and entertainment aren't necessarily ingredients in my recipe for lifelong fulfillment. 

The most sentimental lesson of all is realizing just how precious time is, and fully embracing my determination to create a life worth living. The only way forward is to cherish every second, to be present, and to differentiate between things that have deep meaning and cast out the noise that diverts us from what truly matters. In my 20s, I’ve experienced losses and said goodbye to departed loved ones too soon. While nothing will change the past, it's up to me to embrace moments of connectivity and not distraction.

7. Self-Discipline Becomes Easier

One of the surprising joys of my late 20s has been discovering that self-discipline becomes easier. Maybe it’s the accumulated life experience or the fact that I’ve faced enough consequences to know better, but I’ve improved significantly in managing my time and commitments. Setting priorities, sticking to routines, and saying no to distractions has become more intuitive. Whether it’s becoming a regular at the gym or eventually finishing my current film project, I’ve learned that self-discipline is less about willpower and more about creating an environment that supports my goals. What is such an environment? It's an environment that reflects my values in all aspects including my inner world, actions, friends, and role models.

As I step into my 30s, I carry these lessons with me, grateful for the experiences that have shaped me into who I am today. Here’s to a new decade of growth, fearless struggle, and embracing the beautifully messy journey of life. Cheers!